AND THE WINNER IS ….
By: Trisha Petrovich
Competition. It brings out the best and worst in us. From dramatic catfights on “Project Runway” to Manny Pacquiao and Shane Mosley duking it out on fight night in Las Vegas. Sometimes it’s a necessary for us to get our hands a little dirty on the rise to the top. Often, competition is a matter of survival. It seams that competition has become a natural part of today’s world. We viciously compete for jobs, status, and the attention of the opposite sex. Many sane people find the thought of competition overwhelming, and they place themselves in positions that requires them to be internally challenged, avoiding unnecessary conflicts whenever possible.
For example, my dear friend Julia. Julia is at the top of her class in the Sociology Masters program at a Large Canadian University. She is currently writing her theses and is a foundering member on the Committee of Canadian Genocide Scholars. She is by far one of the most intelligent and hardworking individuals that I know. Any time competition between her peers or faculty members rears its ugly head, she focuses on bettering herself and progressing in her own scholastic efforts. She often tells me stories about fellow academics that openly engage in competitive behaviors, and I am consistently dumbfounded by her ability to walk away and challenge herself instead of them. She is purely driven by her own measure of success, and never motivated by competition, and although I do not understand this, I greatly admire it.
I am the opposite of Julia. I look for competition like a heat seeking missile. Perhaps this is why I have chosen to be part of the extremely competitive world known as the fashion industry. I often wonder if it is the field I have chosen that makes me competitive, or my naturally competitive nature that helped me choose my field. Many cautioned me that “fashion is a very competitive industry”, which only made me more determined to be successful.
To say one is competitive does not mean that they always win, and sometimes competition can consume you to the point of losing focus on the task at hand. During University I was selected to submit clothing designs to a competition, a competition that shall remain nameless. I poured my heart and soul into my designs, and was certain that their innovation would surly secure my place as a top finalist. I was wrong. I didn’t even make it past the first cut. I raged about this for months, desperately wishing I could destroy the competition, and so angry with myself for loosing. But I got back up. Only to be passed over for every award that was given out that year. That one hurt. But I kept going, assured that the world outside of University politics and competitions would be kinder to my talent. Again, I was wrong. Over the course of 4 months I applied for every single job I could. I sent out “hail Mary” Cover letters in the hopes of just getting a call. And I did. In fact I attended many interviews. Possibly the worst interviews of my life. I had lost my mojo. “BUT I ALWAYS GET THE JOB!!” I thought to myself. “I NEVER stutter and sweat in interviews! I KNOW all the right answers.” It was clear to me at that point that something had eaten away at my confidence. I felt defeated. Fractured! Broken! I waved a big white flag (and a certain finger) to the world and retreated to my small basement studio. I was fortunate enough to get freelance technical design contracts from a wonderful company. I worked quietly from home. This was my way of avoiding the competition, rejection, and my unrequited love for Fashion. I was crushed by the industry ,that I was so sure would embrace me. I listened to a lot of Adele during this time, and often found myself face deep in a bag of cookies while singing “Rollin’ in the Deep”. And when that stopped making my feel better, I ran! All the way back to Winnipeg, Manitoba, my hometown. My friends and family, and sometimes strangers, showered me with praise. They were so proud of me for graduating from fashion school, being featured in Vancouver Fashion E-zine, for all of my designs they had seen on my Blog and various publications. People I hadn’t seen for years told me that they followed my fashion blog, and how proud they were of me. Even quoting things I had made reference to, and asking me where they could buy my designs. In a true testament to my competitive nature, I thought to myself “how could they be impressed by this? I haven’t WON anything and I blew my interview for my favorite Canadian label!” Then my older sister gave me five words that slapped me in the face: “You’re too hard on yourself!” Perhaps the value I placed on competition had made me numb to my own success. But I still wasn’t ready to climb out of the hole where Adele played on repeat.
I few days before I was scheduled to return to Vancouver, I noticed in my facebook news feed that a girl from Winnipeg had won a modeling competition, and was selected to be the new “face” of Front Row Society, an accessory company out of Berlin. I was so jealous I could have burst into flames. “If only I had entered surly I would have won” Delusional competitive thoughts from someone on a two month cookie binge who has neither the height, body, nor experience to be a model. Fueled my self loathing, I investigated the Front Row Society website, and discovered that they were hosting an international design challenge. The winner would be displayed in an ethical fashion show during London Fashion Week, receive prize money and have their line of bags produced, entries were due in two days. I closed my computer and sat there for a moment. Recalling the feeling of rejection I had only a few months before. Conflicted by my desire to compete, I consulted with an old friend. Mr. Jay-Z. We had been through so much together, and before Adele was in the picture, he helped pump me up in the most difficult of times. It’s seemed only appropriate that I search for meaning in the 2003 Classic- 99 Problems. And there it was “I got two choices- you'll pull over the car OR-Bounce on the devil, put the pedal to the floor” And although he was clearly talking about avoiding the police, I interpreted as “I can take this lying down, or I can compete”. So that’s what I did. I didn’t sleep for two days, rushing to finish my designs. I managed to finish a few hours into the due date. Exhausted, I pulled up the online submission form and pressed “Submit”. But something was wrong. I received a notice that submissions were closed. “But HOW CAN THIS BE, I’M ON TIME !?!” And then it occurred to me that the company was out of Berlin, which is eight hours ahead. The deadline had passed, and it was already the next day in Berlin. That was it, it was over. Once again, all of my hard work had amounted to nothing. NO! NOT THIS TIME. In a panic I got contact information for the person in charge of the competition. I emailed her inquiring about the submission cut off, and pleaded with her to allow me to submit. I didn’t sleep that night either. In the morning I opened my computer to she that she had replied. Due to the time difference, she was going to accept my designs. And then I waited. And watched. Until one day there it was, my designs had made it onto the short list of garments selected for the online voting stage. As I watched my designs slowly surpass the other competitors in the online polls I felt cautiously proud. For two weeks I watched the polls religiously, well ahead of the other designs. Then on the day the online voting was to be closed, one of the other designs jumped past me by .02 of a point. I was sunk. “But wait” I said to myself “there is still a judges panel if I make it to the ethical fashion show during London Fashion Week”
I knew that feeling. It was blind hope with a little sprinkle of desperation. It’s the feeling every Oscar loser had the second after their name wasn’t called, hoping that there was a mistake, that the presenter said the wrong name. I know that feeling.
I decided to put the whole thing behind me, crawl back into my hole and move on. When suddenly I got an email. It was from Front Row Society. They informed me that my designs would be displayed during London Fashion Week and voted on by a panel of judges. And suddenly there was hope. I certainly would not win the competition, but I was so happy to have made it that far. All the way across the world. It was a lovely feeling.
I was doing my morning facebook patrol when I noticed something funny. I had a new email from Front Row Society. I opened it and read the following: Congratulations Trisha! FRS is proud to announce YOU are the winner of our “The World Around Us” design challenge with Toxic Beauty! Your design captured the attention of the judging panel at the London Fashion Week and we’re so glad their votes matched our choice. Well done!”
I continued to read on about what I had won, and all the places my design was going to be publicized. I read about the video they were going to make about my story, the labels with my name as the designer, the coverage that this competition was going to receive.
I closed my computer and sat there for a moment.
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